Tuesday, 20 January 2015

a new point of view

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

It's been awhile since I last blogged but I just felt like I needed a break. Even from my favourite pastime. I've been spending a lot of time with my family, future in laws, friends and I'm so grateful that I took the time away from my social networks. This post has been in my drafts for the longest time so, I figured I should finish writing it. 

I wanted to write about when I first decided to put on hijab but there are some things I feel like are more important for me to talk about. I honestly never thought my blog and my hijrah would attract so many people to start following me on Instagram, Twitter or to even read my blog ! I write because I feel like it's the only way I can express myself. I never really thought long and hard when I started blogging for the public and I forgot that I was giving people full access to say whatever that comes to their minds. My hijrah was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. I didn't do it so that I'd get over 10k followers or so that people idolized me, I did it because I felt like there was something missing in my life. I had a good family, no financial problem, great friends but there was still something empty inside of me. That's when I found religion. It was and still is something I hold so close to my heart. But my hijrah didn't end when I put on hijab. In fact, I am still going through it. When people criticize a couple things I do wrong in my life, they forget that ultimately, it's my journey. I appreciate the people that come to me personally and advice me over emails, personal message and honestly, thank you from the bottom of my heart. May Allah SWT bless your kind souls. But as a normal human being with feelings, I absolutely hate it when people comment on my Instagram posts, tweet me publicly, comment on my blog, I mean, come on ? You can hate me for not being perfect but put yourself in my shoes when you're about to say hurtful things about me. I feel like I have to point out that yes, there was a phase in my life that I was almost the perfect muslimah but that phase was mostly pushed by someone that needed me to be perfect in order to be "enough" for him. When I realized that I wasn't doing it out of pure sincerity, I took a step back to fall on a level that I felt more comfortable in so that I could work my way up again and this time, full on sincerity because of Allah SWT and no one else. I feel like all this criticizing and hating is so unnecessary. I am always trying to improve myself to be better and enough for Allah SWT. Not so that I can have people come to me and praise me and tell me they idolize me for being the perfect muslimah. There is so much more to a person than what they choose to show. And you know what annoys me most about all this ? The people that publicly "advise" me are the people that only know me through social networks. Not even the people that know me personally. If you are so unhappy and displeased about what you see when it comes to me, please, don't hypocritically follow me on my social networks anymore. Whatever that Allah SWT is displeased with me about, that is ultimately between me and Him. Not me and you. It is my journey and I want to be the best person that I can be. For myself, my family, my future husband and Allah SWT, not to please other people.