Thursday, 31 March 2016

updated life in a nutshell

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Okay.. I don't even think I should apologize for being MIA anymore but I've been really really EXTREMELY busy. I have a list of things in mind to blog about so let's start writing before I forget them haha.

College. It's been about 3 months since I started college and man, I hate to say this but... I'm really enjoying it haha. It's so different from school. Aside from the obvious fact that we don't have to wear uniforms anymore *woohoo*, academic wise- it's so different. You can miss class as you like because no one is going to reprimand you. You're not obligated to do assignments because your lecturer can't always be worrying about you since he/she has like hundreds other students to worry about. If you don't pay attention in class, it's your own prerogative because you're the one who's not going to do well in your exams in a college that you probably paid a heck lot of money for. Basically, you're an adult and everyone around you will treat you like an adult. You're responsible for your own actions because no one is going to write your name down to send to the discipline teacher if you do something wrong. Aside from the whole being a semi-adult thing, you actually get to do something you enjoy. I can't speak for anyone but when I enrolled in college, I picked subjects I personally felt like I could handle and juggle along with my extra curricular stuff. Obviously, I would've been a model daughter if I went for medicine to make my mother happy seeing me be a doctor but.. ultimately, if I hate the subject - I'm the one suffering. I feel like a majority of people who leave school and go to college immediately, never really have a chance to stop and think about what they really want. They just go along with whatever their parents might force or tell them to do. In all honesty, I think I'm having a good time at college because I had a year to do absolutely nothing and really think about what I want to do in my life. So, for those of you who are still in high school or even in college doing something you hate, I hope this little piece of advice helps.

Oh yeah, for those of you wondering what I'm doing in college, I'm doing Cambridge A-Levels and I'm taking 3 subjects (which is the minimum number of subjects you have to take and 4 is the maximum number of subjects you can take ). My three subjects are Psychology, Law and Literature in English.

Social Life/Online Life. Well.... If spending majority of the time with my husband is considered having a social life then, yes, my social life is amazing bahaha. In all seriousness, my social life is almost zilch now. I try to catch up with some close friends from time to time but maaaan, it's hard! And having a marriage, family time, studying and alone time to juggle all at the same time, not exactly the easiest thing to manage haha. Online life, I'm actually struggling half of the time to even upload a photo on Instagram. Yeap, it's that bad. I guess, I'm still just adjusting to juggling everything in my personal life + college life. Buuuut! I promise to make more of an effort to update you guys here hehe.

Marriage. There are times it's really challenging, yes but.. I know by heart it is still by far, the best decision I've ever made in my life. Life with Asyraf has been almost unbelievable. When the times are good, it's unbelievably good and well.. when the times are bad, it's also unbelievably bad haha. But then again, no marriage is ever a constant bed of roses. I'm just very lucky to be able to do it with someone who is my voice of reason most of the time. Someone who is my bestfriend, my confidant, my teacher and everything else but most importantly, a partner who is committed to me as I am to him. I'm very happy and I think it's pretty clear why :) My love, when you read this, thank you for everything that you do for me.. for us. If I don't say it enough, I'm sorry. I guess there's just too many great things going on in our lives, I always forget to stop and show you more gratitude. I hope I make you at least half as happy as you make me. I LOVE YOU! <3

Well... for now that's all I have. Hopefully, I won't take this long for the next update haha. Per usual, thanks for taking your time to read xx

This is from one of those days I was feeling myself :p



Friday, 1 January 2016

new year, new resolutions

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Happy New Yearrrr! I actually wanted to update before the New Year buuuut you know me... Always so forgetful haha. I'm sorry! But having said that, one of my New Year's resolution is to update my blog more.

So first things first, how was your 2015 ? Mine was no doubt, the best year ever. I felt like this year I learned and grew a lot. More than I thought I would. And of course, not leaving out the fact that I married my bestfriend in August! I also started training as a part-time announcer at Fly FM a few months back and I wasn't exactly posting about it because I am still under training, haven't exactly got the job yet. I am also very excited to share that I have finally enrolled in college and I can't wait to finally have some routine back in my life!

On a more grateful note, I'm so thankful to be able to experience another year filled with amazing memories with some of the most amazing people. I've never had a year so filled with emotions. My wedding was so bittersweet because my siblings were practically bawling their eyes out about how they're scared they'll lose me but they were also happy that I've found the person I'm spending the rest of my life with. I've never been so happy and to be able to share the finer things in life with my better half, is true happiness. I'm so thankful that my family and I are blessed with health, also the fact that we have each other. I'm so thankful for the friends that I may not see as much anymore but we're still as close as ever. I'm so thankful for the little things in life that I may not realize sometimes. No one I should be more thankful to than Allah SWT. al Kareem; The One who is the most generous, both physically and spiritually. The One who is continually giving forth the grandest and most precious bounty. The One whose kind, noble and generous essence is most esteemed, valued and honored. The One who endlessly gives all manner of  precious gifts, including support and refuge. The One who is eternally giving, even unto those who may not seem (to us) to be deserving. 


As I welcome the New Year, I hope to ;


Be a better Muslim
Be a better wife 
Be a better daughter/daughter in law/sister/friend/human being
Give more, take less
Exercise more
Excel in my studies
Be more thankful
Update my blog more
Travel as much as I can
So, that's my more or less realistic resolutions for the New Year :) Leave a comment down below to tell me what's yours!

some of my best this year but this collage is missing some friends and my baby sister, Zara.





Friday, 27 November 2015

sweetness

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

I feel like I shouldn't even be apologizing for always going MIA anymore haha but I really am sorry! I have a lot of things going on (cuddling, sleeping :p joking!) right now that I always forget what I want to blog about. I'm actually interning somewhere right now so I'm always so caught up with work too.

I was scrolling through Tumblr when I came across this interesting quote;  


When I saw it I was like, "oooooh! I know what to blog about!". I feel like some of us might lack a bit of sweetness in our lives especially when it comes to ourselves and the people closest to us. We take little things for granted. You know how they always say charity starts at home ? Yeap.. It really does. What our world needs more than anything right now isn't money, power or all those temporary things. We need more kindness, empathy, love and all the best (but free) things in life. I too am guilty of forgetting these things at times. When was the last time you thanked your mother for the meal she prepared for the family ? When was the last time you thanked your father for working hard for the family ? When was the last time you were kind to your siblings ? When was the last time you told your spouse you appreciate the little things he/she does for you ? When was the last time you thanked your best friend for always being there ? When was the last time you thanked Him for always giving you more than you deserve ? 

We're only human and we forget but that's why we have each other. To remind each other of the simpler, forgotten things in life. When we learn that the kindness starts within you, it can really change your life and improve the lives of others around you, I think all of us will rush to be kind right now. Sometimes that's all we need in life, just a bit of sweetness. So share your sweetness to those you meet each day and one day, it might come back around to you :)



Monday, 5 October 2015

the BIG story

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh 

I am soooo sorry I have been MIA for the past month but, not to worry, I'm back InsyaAllah with so many topics in mind ! I actually wanted to update you guys before September ended but the hubsy and I took a spontaneous trip to a villa in the city to relax for a couple of days so... away from the phones and laptop it was ! I am so overwhelmed by the response and views I got from my last post, Alhamdulillah. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I do what I do thanks to all of your kind words of encouragement and I am truly inspired by each and every one of you ! You would think that by just being a silent reader on my blog doesn't mean much, but trust me.. that too is an inspiration for me to keep writing. 

Anywhooo, straight to the point ! I have been reading your suggestions and comments on what you'd like to read next on my blog, but today, I have decided that I am FINALLY going to share what motivated me to embrace Islam. It's no big secret really, but I have never been ready to share it in public because it was something I held very close to my heart. It was such a personal journey for me especially since I happened  to be in some of my darkest times at that point in my life and Islam turned out to be the guiding light. 

I was 15 and suffering from depression and anxiety. I had family problems and some other stuff dragging me down in life that I still don't feel quite comfortable talking about now. I realized I had something missing in my life. I wouldn't exactly say that I was unhappy but there were times when I find myself at my lowest, talking to people simply didn't suffice. Alhamdulillah, I have a very good relationship with my siblings and my parents but there was this void in me that couldn't be filled no matter how hard I tried. I started thinking what my purpose in life was and if I was truly happy with the way I lived my life. That was when I realized that deep down, I wasn't happy. I did not like how I didn't have anything to hold on to, something that I know will always be there. No matter what. The way my parents lived their lives at that time didn't quite jive with me, (they've completely changed, Alhamdulillah) and of course, I was admittedly very much a part of this lifestyle and it just didn't feel right. I started thinking of how if I have my own family later on in life, whether this was really how I wanted to raise my own children ? With shallow knowledge when it comes to religion, no religious practices in life and really just, simply put, no purpose in life. I wanted to be a good role model to my future children not just morally but more so, spiritually. I had a bunch of questions in my head and was desperate to seek out the answers.

Miraculously, my school organised an Islamic camp for the students who were sitting for major examinations and although I've never been the type of student who participates in any sort of camps in the first place , somehow... something inside me really made me interested to attend this camp. After endless begging and persuading, my parents finally succumbed and allowed me to go. I didn't know what to expect because as it was, I wasn't even a practicing Muslim. I wasn't praying and had completely forgotten how to pray. I couldn't even remember when was the last time I actually even prayed! My family were not practicing Muslims either so, anything that had to do with Islam was completely alien to me. So, there I was at camp, having to pray 5 times a day and listening to a bunch of talks on Islam and how Muslims should live their lives. I felt anxious and so out of place especially because I couldn't memorize anything that was being read (surahs), which was honestly only just the basic stuff. One of the sessions during camp, included of a talk about the Prophet Muhammad PBUH, how he lived his life and his journey. It was amazing how one man is the reason we pray 5 times a day. I can't remember the story exactly and the history of it but I remember precisely when the speaker was explaining how our beloved Prophet Muhammad PBUH went through the trouble to decrease the amount of prayers a day because he felt like his ummah would never be able to do a large amount of prayers a day. I started tearing because I felt so ashamed at the fact that at that time, I didn't even know how to pray and how ignorant I've been almost my entire life. My heart felt like it had just been touched and I knew that there was no way I would ever be the same again. Throughout the camp, we also had to wear the hijab and cover ourselves appropriately but because I was so used to wearing shorts and sleeveless tops, I felt so uncomfortable initially. Quite a transition, from sexy mini skirts to constantly covering myself. But surprisingly, by the end of the camp, I felt like I didn't want to take it off. I went back home after three days of camp and decided that I wanted to wear the hijab permanently. My mum freaked out when she found out. She hadn't started wearing the hijab and felt like I myself wasn't ready. Our differences in opinions started a sort of 'cold war' between us for some time. Even though I knew my mum was quite unhappy with my decision and I would normally just obey to what makes her happy, but somehow, a part of me just felt right in hijab and I couldn't get myself to take it off. After putting on the hijab, I knew that I had to start praying as well except that I didn't know how and why I had to do so. So, I read various books on 'how to be a good Muslim' and Islamic forums but I still somehow couldn't figure out my purpose in life. So in my confusion, I decided to start everything from scratch. With Allah's guidance, I thought myself how to pray, what to read during my prayers, watched YouTube videos of others teaching how to read surahs during prayers properly and.... slowly but surely, I started praying. And the first time I actually put my head down for sujood, I started and couldn't stop crying. I just felt so content and so complete. It was UNBELIEVABLE. I felt a happiness I've never felt before and all my worries were somehow magically ailed. I didn't know I could even feel that happy, to be honest. After my first ever Subuh prayer, I just sat down there and thought about how I was missing out on what life should actually really be like. I felt like I had to deepen my knowledge to better understand this newly found state of mind. Not long after, I managed to smoothen things out with my mum and I asked her to help find me an Ustazah so that she could teach me how to read the Quran. Fortunately, we found an amazing, kind lady who was more than happy to do so. I felt that my life was finally back on track.

But trying to evolve from someone who didn't use to pray at all, to someone who prayed 5 times a day, was the real challenge for me. It was so hard to not forget and to not be lazy. I tried to wake up for Subuh every day and of course, there were days that I failed but I never gave up on praying because there was this amazing happiness and contentment that I got addicted to. It was of a different kind. The kind you don't get from other humans, all the fame and fortune in the world or other worldly things. I kept trying to improve myself because becoming a better Muslim was the only thing I was striving for. I am still striving for in fact. It's not easy. The ups and downs that I experienced made me who I am today, and that is only someone I will know. The reason why I find it difficult to take critique when it comes to my level of piety is because where I am and who I am today is with no one's help except Allah SWT and that is why I always stand by, only Allah SWT can judge me. You will never have the same spiritual experience as anyone else. You have your own journey, someone else will have theirs. That is why you have zero rights to judge others and think that you know better because you really don't, until you live someone else's life. 




Wednesday, 19 August 2015

Mrs Sheikh Asyraf Bux, now :)

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh !

Did any of you notice that exclamation mark after my salam ? Unusual isn't it ? Teehee, that's because I'm suuuuper duper excited to be blogging again ! I've missed my little comfortable space where I can just write and for the longest time, I've been sooo busy with the wedding preparation, I couldn't find the time to update my blog. But don't you worry, my loyal blog readers (if I have any haha), I'M BACK !

So many things to write about, so little time ! Okay, as you all know, I just got married on the 8th of August and it's been the happiest of days, Alhamdulillah. Yeah yeah yeah, I've only been married for like 11 days now pfft what would I know about marriage... As most of you would probably say but I really am happy. My hands have been itching to share my wedding photos but there's so many, I cannot possibly spam my Instagram so I think I'll share a few along with this post ! When I was thinking about updating my blog a few hours ago, I really had no idea what to write about because my mind is still so overwhelmed and I'm still on cloud nine now that I'm scared I might blab (which as you can see, I have the past one and a half paragraph ago). So, forgive me. BUT ! While I was on Facebook (yes, I still use that old thing hehe), I came across a really interesting video about marrying someone for all the wrong reasons and at the end of the video, I had all these thoughts and opinions that I just cannot wait to write about !

The beginning of the video talked about how people who are about to get married always think that marriage is a shortcut to eternal happiness. I see tons of girls commenting on my Instagram photos and tweeting me saying they can't wait to get married as if, marriage is like the answer to everything. It really is NOT. I'm just really lucky to have gotten married at such a young age but that does not mean that I'm always going to be in my honeymoon phase and live happily ever after. I knew that marriage was going to take a lot hard work, 110% commitment and 123587084% trust before I got married. I didn't agree to get married because it was #relationshipgoals (what does that even mean ??) or I was forced to but when I looked at my husband, I knew instantly that he is the man I want to build a family with, create a home with, be the best for and achieve happiness with dunya and akhirah, insyaaAllah. Everyone seems to think that marriage is going to be all fine and dandy like when you were dating, sorry to burst your bubble but it's not. Your whole life is going to alter because you're going to have to get used to sharing a blanket with someone, serving someone, always considering the other person's feelings and a lot more.. It's a question of either you're matured enough and ready for it or not ? What I did before I got married was I read a lot (and I mean it, A LOT) of books, blogs, Islamic forums and watched tons of videos on marriage life and what to expect. 

The MOST important thing that I learned was- to always, always put your partner above everything (except Allah SWT, that is). Put your partner above your anger when he/she makes you angry, above your frustration when he/she does something wrong, above your crappy hormonal PMS emotional mood swings when it's the time of the month and most importantly, put the other person's happiness above your own. I never really understood it until I got married. When my husband does something that I don't like or hurts me in any way, I don't just sulk and get angry until it turns into a fight like when we were dating but I sit and think about his feelings if I lash out, then I'll tend to calm down. Or when I was super delirious in my sleep that one night and accidentally turned on the night light next to me and woke my husband up from his sleep when he had an early flight the next day, he didn't get angry (he's super grouchy when he needs his sleep, I'm surprised he didn't scold me) but instead he went back to sleep and asked me nicely the next morning why I turned on the night light when I knew he was sleeping. I feel like remembering to always put him above everything, made me into someone I didn't even know was in myself. I feel like I'm more patient, more loving, more considerate and things that I never thought I could improve in (e.g. cooking). It's amazing how my tiniest gestures makes my husband really happy which of course, makes me happy. I'm really lucky to be able to experience this at such a young age and take on the world with someone by my side. I think that the most important thing that I learned is what needed to be shared and hopefully, be a tip for all of you joining the club soon ! 

And for patiently reading my rambles, here's some of the wedding pictures; 

-The Akad Nikah-


a lil eye to eye moment just before the akad nikah :p

satu lafaz, Alhamdulillah !


of course, I couldn't stop crying.. *blush*




miracle workers these two, I tell you <3




my cute Opah ! <3


looove my husband <3







-The Reception-



mama and her never ending selfies !

I was gripping his hand so tightly because I got super nervous walking in a hall with 800 pairs of eyes on me !


when I started bawling my eyes out listening to my sister's speech.


my #1 bestfriends, my siblings <3

Danish's exact words were, "If you hurt my sister, I will beat you up, man."






both our families feat. Aizat Amdan performing for us. more like Aizat singing and some whispers from the back :p

but Asyraf and I had a good time singing along from where we were seated :)


okay, let's take a moment to appreciate my gorgeous reception dress by Najeeb Azami. I mean, look at that beading !



*disclaimer; we fed each other chocolate balls instead of cake because the cake was super hard to cut !

my husband giving his speech.

obviously, he's the funny one in the relationship *rolls eyes*

pffttttt cried some more during MY speech !

which also made mummy dearest cry :(

surprised Asyraf with a song that I planned about 3 days before the wedding :p

completely forgot I was singing in front of 800 guests because all I could see was him :)



I'm the romantic one in the relationship, duh.

stuck with me, FOREVER & EVER & EVER !

In a nutshell, marriage life is amazing if you do it with the right person. I cannot imagine myself being anywhere else with anyone else at this very moment in my life. Asyraf Bux, my darling husband, you make me feel like a million dollars every single second of every day and I am the luckiest person to be able to share my life with someone as amazing as you are. My days with you have been the best and I cannot wait to see what the future holds. Here's to the rest of our lives, sayang. I love you.