Tuesday, 31 October 2017

Paradise

Assamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

 A lot people think I should update more often but you see, the things I share on my blog are usually quite personal and it takes time for me to gather my thoughts and be able to finally type it out. I'm trying to be more consistent but I don't want my blog to just be something meaningless that you read to pass your time, I want you to gain something when you're done reading my posts. So I hope you understand when I take time to update this blog of mine.

Today's post is: PARENTS. How many of us utter the words "I love you" to our parents without hoping to ask for something after ? How many of us simply thank them from time to time to remind them of our gratitude ? How many of us pray for our parents well-being everyday in this world and the Hereafter ? It's very easy for us to forget the sacrifices our parents have made to raise us to be a good person or give us the best life they could offer. It's easy to take our parents for granted because we know they will love and take care of us regardless of whether we are appreciative of them. 

My mum has been a single parent most of motherhood. She and my dad got divorced when I was very young and at that time, she had 4 kids to raise on her own. She remarried later on and had 2 more kids, but got divorced about a year ago. See my whole life, my mum and I talk about everything. From gossip to family drama to finances to business. When I say everything I mean EVERYTHING. She's my bestfriend (yes, Alin so are you *rolls eyes*). Some days I think I'm guilty for taking my mum for granted too. I try my level best to always be more present and see my mum as much as I could even though we live in different houses now. I think I often forget that there is no way I could be the person I am today without her. From her always making sure I get the best education, sending me to music lessons (ok I only lasted a week or so), enrolling me in the best English centers, always looking for fish eggs for me when she goes to the morning market because she knows I love them and everything in between when I was growing up, I am the luckiest child alive because everything good in me and in my life is all thanks to my mum and for some years of my childhood my step dad too. 

I have to constantly remember to be grateful because my mum is my anchor. And I pray that I am hers when she needs me to be. Mummy, this blogpost is for you because you deserve all the recognition you can get. If there is one person I could send straight to heaven, it would be you, mum because you are the light of my life. I can't wait to have kids because I want to tell them all about why I will always try to be the best mum. Because I want to give them everything you've given me. Thank you for everything, mummy. I love you. 

"Paradise lies at the feet of your mother" Prophet Muhammad PBUH



Monday, 18 September 2017

for the ones who struggle

Assamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

For the past week or so, there has been a lot of things on my mind that I have been dying to share with you guys. But somehow while I'm writing this, I don't even know where to begin. So, I will start off with the most important thing I want to share and save the rest for a different post.

Recently, I came across a Youtube video of a Muslim woman admitting the truth to why she wears the hijab and also an article of another Muslim woman on why she took off the hijab.

So I thought to myself.. "What drives me to keep the hijab on ?"

To be completely honest, I actually love wearing the hijab. Granted there are days when my hair is really nice and I would love to just flaunt it or when I see a certain outfit that there is no way I can halal-fy (lol), I feel like "Oh man.. I wish I didn't have to wear the hijab.". I am just human BUT I know that deep down, I would never take it off. Somehow, ever since I put it on, it became a part of me. A part of me that I didn't even know existed until Allah SWT ignited the spark for me. And I feel like the reason why I keep the hijab on is because I don't feel like it's forced upon me. I don't feel like I have to put it on. I was never taught to put it on. In fact, my parents had always allowed me to make my own choices when it came to my body. Over the years of learning more about Islam, I have become more and more sincere in doing the things I do for Allah's sake. I have completely accepted, embraced and love the fact that it is Allah's word that I cover myself. And I am beyond grateful that Allah SWT opened my heart and allowed me to become a better version of myself. I am far from perfect but I hope that Allah SWT accepts my deeds because He is the only one who truly knows what's in my heart. To my Muslim sisters who struggle with- be it putting on the hijab or keeping the hijab on, pray. Pray to Allah SWT as much as you can. Cry and shout if you feel like it. The only being that can help you through your ups and downs in your journey of becoming a better person is Allah SWT. I will not be who I am or where I am today if it wasn't for the blessings and guidance of Allah SWT. The same way, you cannot strive without Allah's help. So turn to Him and He will guide you.

To be utterly genuine in all that you do for Allah's sake, He must first put that feeling in your heart. If you're struggling, I pray that Allah SWT eases your struggles and allow you to be at peace and as grateful as I am feeling right now. Amin.



Friday, 9 June 2017

it's been too long..

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Wow.. I haven't posted anything this year. From the bottom of my heart, I apologize. I know it's been way too long (hence, the title) but I'll be honest, I haven't really thought much about my blog this past few months mainly because I had my major exam coming. But tonight.. I felt like I really needed to share something. 

A blogger, Shea Rasol passed away. Please recite Al-Fatihah for her and may she be placed with the best of ummah. Amin. She had been fighting cancer and yesterday, cancer won. I believe she's much happier now and she's not in pain anymore. I didn't know her personally but somehow, her death really touched me. 

It got me thinking of the things I took for granted. Not just health wise but time wise.. All those times I could've been chasing Jannah more, all those times I could've prayed more than just 5 times a day, all those times I could do more good than I already have, all those times I could've been a better Muslim. The whole time I was praying tonight I couldn't stop thinking about how I take all Allah's SWT blessing for granted. The thought of everything being taken away in a blink of an eye.. So tonight, I told myself, I will never put the after life on hold for this temporary world ever again. I will read the Quran more, I will make sure to always pray 5 times a day and more, I will always be good to other people, I will do as much charity as I can, I will pray for other people as often as I can, I will keep Allah SWT in my heart and mind at all times, I will be better than I was the day before. I hope that when you read this, Muslim or not, you will keep trying to be a better person in God's eyes everyday or just strive to be a better person for yourself. I pray that you will be given the time to chase the after life and be the resident of Jannah some day. Amin. 

another day, another chance.



Thursday, 31 March 2016

updated life in a nutshell

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Okay.. I don't even think I should apologize for being MIA anymore but I've been really really EXTREMELY busy. I have a list of things in mind to blog about so let's start writing before I forget them haha.

College. It's been about 3 months since I started college and man, I hate to say this but... I'm really enjoying it haha. It's so different from school. Aside from the obvious fact that we don't have to wear uniforms anymore *woohoo*, academic wise- it's so different. You can miss class as you like because no one is going to reprimand you. You're not obligated to do assignments because your lecturer can't always be worrying about you since he/she has like hundreds other students to worry about. If you don't pay attention in class, it's your own prerogative because you're the one who's not going to do well in your exams in a college that you probably paid a heck lot of money for. Basically, you're an adult and everyone around you will treat you like an adult. You're responsible for your own actions because no one is going to write your name down to send to the discipline teacher if you do something wrong. Aside from the whole being a semi-adult thing, you actually get to do something you enjoy. I can't speak for anyone but when I enrolled in college, I picked subjects I personally felt like I could handle and juggle along with my extra curricular stuff. Obviously, I would've been a model daughter if I went for medicine to make my mother happy seeing me be a doctor but.. ultimately, if I hate the subject - I'm the one suffering. I feel like a majority of people who leave school and go to college immediately, never really have a chance to stop and think about what they really want. They just go along with whatever their parents might force or tell them to do. In all honesty, I think I'm having a good time at college because I had a year to do absolutely nothing and really think about what I want to do in my life. So, for those of you who are still in high school or even in college doing something you hate, I hope this little piece of advice helps.

Oh yeah, for those of you wondering what I'm doing in college, I'm doing Cambridge A-Levels and I'm taking 3 subjects (which is the minimum number of subjects you have to take and 4 is the maximum number of subjects you can take ). My three subjects are Psychology, Law and Literature in English.

Social Life/Online Life. Well.... If spending majority of the time with my husband is considered having a social life then, yes, my social life is amazing bahaha. In all seriousness, my social life is almost zilch now. I try to catch up with some close friends from time to time but maaaan, it's hard! And having a marriage, family time, studying and alone time to juggle all at the same time, not exactly the easiest thing to manage haha. Online life, I'm actually struggling half of the time to even upload a photo on Instagram. Yeap, it's that bad. I guess, I'm still just adjusting to juggling everything in my personal life + college life. Buuuut! I promise to make more of an effort to update you guys here hehe.

Marriage. There are times it's really challenging, yes but.. I know by heart it is still by far, the best decision I've ever made in my life. Life with Asyraf has been almost unbelievable. When the times are good, it's unbelievably good and well.. when the times are bad, it's also unbelievably bad haha. But then again, no marriage is ever a constant bed of roses. I'm just very lucky to be able to do it with someone who is my voice of reason most of the time. Someone who is my bestfriend, my confidant, my teacher and everything else but most importantly, a partner who is committed to me as I am to him. I'm very happy and I think it's pretty clear why :) My love, when you read this, thank you for everything that you do for me.. for us. If I don't say it enough, I'm sorry. I guess there's just too many great things going on in our lives, I always forget to stop and show you more gratitude. I hope I make you at least half as happy as you make me. I LOVE YOU! <3

Well... for now that's all I have. Hopefully, I won't take this long for the next update haha. Per usual, thanks for taking your time to read xx




Friday, 1 January 2016

new year, new resolutions

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Happy New Yearrrr! I actually wanted to update before the New Year buuuut you know me... Always so forgetful haha. I'm sorry! But having said that, one of my New Year's resolution is to update my blog more.

So first things first, how was your 2015 ? Mine was no doubt, the best year ever. I felt like this year I learned and grew a lot. More than I thought I would. And of course, not leaving out the fact that I married my bestfriend in August! I also started training as a part-time announcer at Fly FM a few months back and I wasn't exactly posting about it because I am still under training, haven't exactly got the job yet. I am also very excited to share that I have finally enrolled in college and I can't wait to finally have some routine back in my life!

On a more grateful note, I'm so thankful to be able to experience another year filled with amazing memories with some of the most amazing people. I've never had a year so filled with emotions. My wedding was so bittersweet because my siblings were practically bawling their eyes out about how they're scared they'll lose me but they were also happy that I've found the person I'm spending the rest of my life with. I've never been so happy and to be able to share the finer things in life with my better half, is true happiness. I'm so thankful that my family and I are blessed with health, also the fact that we have each other. I'm so thankful for the friends that I may not see as much anymore but we're still as close as ever. I'm so thankful for the little things in life that I may not realize sometimes. No one I should be more thankful to than Allah SWT. al Kareem; The One who is the most generous, both physically and spiritually. The One who is continually giving forth the grandest and most precious bounty. The One whose kind, noble and generous essence is most esteemed, valued and honored. The One who endlessly gives all manner of  precious gifts, including support and refuge. The One who is eternally giving, even unto those who may not seem (to us) to be deserving. 


As I welcome the New Year, I hope to ;


Be a better Muslim
Be a better wife 
Be a better daughter/daughter in law/sister/friend/human being
Give more, take less
Exercise more
Excel in my studies
Be more thankful
Update my blog more
Travel as much as I can
So, that's my more or less realistic resolutions for the New Year :) Leave a comment down below to tell me what's yours!

some of my best this year but this collage is missing some friends and my baby sister, Zara.





Friday, 27 November 2015

sweetness

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

I feel like I shouldn't even be apologizing for always going MIA anymore haha but I really am sorry! I have a lot of things going on (cuddling, sleeping :p joking!) right now that I always forget what I want to blog about. I'm actually interning somewhere right now so I'm always so caught up with work too.

I was scrolling through Tumblr when I came across this interesting quote;  


When I saw it I was like, "oooooh! I know what to blog about!". I feel like some of us might lack a bit of sweetness in our lives especially when it comes to ourselves and the people closest to us. We take little things for granted. You know how they always say charity starts at home ? Yeap.. It really does. What our world needs more than anything right now isn't money, power or all those temporary things. We need more kindness, empathy, love and all the best (but free) things in life. I too am guilty of forgetting these things at times. When was the last time you thanked your mother for the meal she prepared for the family ? When was the last time you thanked your father for working hard for the family ? When was the last time you were kind to your siblings ? When was the last time you told your spouse you appreciate the little things he/she does for you ? When was the last time you thanked your best friend for always being there ? When was the last time you thanked Him for always giving you more than you deserve ? 

We're only human and we forget but that's why we have each other. To remind each other of the simpler, forgotten things in life. When we learn that the kindness starts within you, it can really change your life and improve the lives of others around you, I think all of us will rush to be kind right now. Sometimes that's all we need in life, just a bit of sweetness. So share your sweetness to those you meet each day and one day, it might come back around to you :)



Monday, 5 October 2015

the BIG story

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh 

I am soooo sorry I have been MIA for the past month but, not to worry, I'm back InsyaAllah with so many topics in mind ! I actually wanted to update you guys before September ended but the hubsy and I took a spontaneous trip to a villa in the city to relax for a couple of days so... away from the phones and laptop it was ! I am so overwhelmed by the response and views I got from my last post, Alhamdulillah. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I do what I do thanks to all of your kind words of encouragement and I am truly inspired by each and every one of you ! You would think that by just being a silent reader on my blog doesn't mean much, but trust me.. that too is an inspiration for me to keep writing. 

Anywhooo, straight to the point ! I have been reading your suggestions and comments on what you'd like to read next on my blog, but today, I have decided that I am FINALLY going to share what motivated me to embrace Islam. It's no big secret really, but I have never been ready to share it in public because it was something I held very close to my heart. It was such a personal journey for me especially since I happened  to be in some of my darkest times at that point in my life and Islam turned out to be the guiding light. 

I was 15 and suffering from depression and anxiety. I had family problems and some other stuff dragging me down in life that I still don't feel quite comfortable talking about now. I realized I had something missing in my life. I wouldn't exactly say that I was unhappy but there were times when I find myself at my lowest, talking to people simply didn't suffice. Alhamdulillah, I have a very good relationship with my siblings and my parents but there was this void in me that couldn't be filled no matter how hard I tried. I started thinking what my purpose in life was and if I was truly happy with the way I lived my life. That was when I realized that deep down, I wasn't happy. I did not like how I didn't have anything to hold on to, something that I know will always be there. No matter what. The way my parents lived their lives at that time didn't quite jive with me, (they've completely changed, Alhamdulillah) and of course, I was admittedly very much a part of this lifestyle and it just didn't feel right. I started thinking of how if I have my own family later on in life, whether this was really how I wanted to raise my own children ? With shallow knowledge when it comes to religion, no religious practices in life and really just, simply put, no purpose in life. I wanted to be a good role model to my future children not just morally but more so, spiritually. I had a bunch of questions in my head and was desperate to seek out the answers.

Miraculously, my school organised an Islamic camp for the students who were sitting for major examinations and although I've never been the type of student who participates in any sort of camps in the first place , somehow... something inside me really made me interested to attend this camp. After endless begging and persuading, my parents finally succumbed and allowed me to go. I didn't know what to expect because as it was, I wasn't even a practicing Muslim. I wasn't praying and had completely forgotten how to pray. I couldn't even remember when was the last time I actually even prayed! My family were not practicing Muslims either so, anything that had to do with Islam was completely alien to me. So, there I was at camp, having to pray 5 times a day and listening to a bunch of talks on Islam and how Muslims should live their lives. I felt anxious and so out of place especially because I couldn't memorize anything that was being read (surahs), which was honestly only just the basic stuff. One of the sessions during camp, included of a talk about the Prophet Muhammad PBUH, how he lived his life and his journey. It was amazing how one man is the reason we pray 5 times a day. I can't remember the story exactly and the history of it but I remember precisely when the speaker was explaining how our beloved Prophet Muhammad PBUH went through the trouble to decrease the amount of prayers a day because he felt like his ummah would never be able to do a large amount of prayers a day. I started tearing because I felt so ashamed at the fact that at that time, I didn't even know how to pray and how ignorant I've been almost my entire life. My heart felt like it had just been touched and I knew that there was no way I would ever be the same again. Throughout the camp, we also had to wear the hijab and cover ourselves appropriately but because I was so used to wearing shorts and sleeveless tops, I felt so uncomfortable initially. Quite a transition, from sexy mini skirts to constantly covering myself. But surprisingly, by the end of the camp, I felt like I didn't want to take it off. I went back home after three days of camp and decided that I wanted to wear the hijab permanently. My mum freaked out when she found out. She hadn't started wearing the hijab and felt like I myself wasn't ready. Our differences in opinions started a sort of 'cold war' between us for some time. Even though I knew my mum was quite unhappy with my decision and I would normally just obey to what makes her happy, but somehow, a part of me just felt right in hijab and I couldn't get myself to take it off. After putting on the hijab, I knew that I had to start praying as well except that I didn't know how and why I had to do so. So, I read various books on 'how to be a good Muslim' and Islamic forums but I still somehow couldn't figure out my purpose in life. So in my confusion, I decided to start everything from scratch. With Allah's guidance, I thought myself how to pray, what to read during my prayers, watched YouTube videos of others teaching how to read surahs during prayers properly and.... slowly but surely, I started praying. And the first time I actually put my head down for sujood, I started and couldn't stop crying. I just felt so content and so complete. It was UNBELIEVABLE. I felt a happiness I've never felt before and all my worries were somehow magically ailed. I didn't know I could even feel that happy, to be honest. After my first ever Subuh prayer, I just sat down there and thought about how I was missing out on what life should actually really be like. I felt like I had to deepen my knowledge to better understand this newly found state of mind. Not long after, I managed to smoothen things out with my mum and I asked her to help find me an Ustazah so that she could teach me how to read the Quran. Fortunately, we found an amazing, kind lady who was more than happy to do so. I felt that my life was finally back on track.

But trying to evolve from someone who didn't use to pray at all, to someone who prayed 5 times a day, was the real challenge for me. It was so hard to not forget and to not be lazy. I tried to wake up for Subuh every day and of course, there were days that I failed but I never gave up on praying because there was this amazing happiness and contentment that I got addicted to. It was of a different kind. The kind you don't get from other humans, all the fame and fortune in the world or other worldly things. I kept trying to improve myself because becoming a better Muslim was the only thing I was striving for. I am still striving for in fact. It's not easy. The ups and downs that I experienced made me who I am today, and that is only someone I will know. The reason why I find it difficult to take critique when it comes to my level of piety is because where I am and who I am today is with no one's help except Allah SWT and that is why I always stand by, only Allah SWT can judge me. You will never have the same spiritual experience as anyone else. You have your own journey, someone else will have theirs. That is why you have zero rights to judge others and think that you know better because you really don't, until you live someone else's life.