Sunday, 22 March 2015

strengthening your heart

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

I know it's been so long since I've blogged but trust me,it's only because I've been busy with some preparations. I GOT ENGAGED ! Yeap, you read that right. I am now someone's fiancee. That's what I've been crazy busy with. I had to prepare the itinerary, background of how Asyraf and I met, work with the emcee and so many other things that I didn't even have time to spare for my blog. But let's save the engagement story for another blog post because today, I have something else I'd like to write about. 

I came across this saying a couple of nights ago on Tumblr and the moment I read it, I knew that I HAVE to make a blog post about this. A lot of emails and questions I get are usually on how to be happy and contented with one's own life. I never really knew how to explain to people that you have to be grateful with whatever Allah SWT has blessed you with for you to be happy. But I finally found it. 

Overcoming your sadness 

From the saying above, I cannot stress enough on how important it is to not let your sadness get the best of you. It is perfectly normal to feel sad but you cannot let that sadness change you into someone you're not. If it changes you in ways that it makes you stronger and more grateful, then Alhamdulillah. But if that sadness makes you suicidal and all the other bad things, you need to start rethinking if what you're so sad about is even worth it. Sadness in so many ways does weaken your heart. I get sad too sometimes and during that vulnerable times, I find what strengthens my heart most. This is when the Quran, prayers and Allah SWT is your ultimate bestfriend. Believe me when I say, I have had my fair share of heartbreaks and depressing days but I held onto the one thing that I knew would never fail me; Allah SWT.  

It's amazing how He puts that sadness in your heart so that you would turn to Him. No one can cure the pain in your heart except for the One who has the power to put it there and also remove it. I know it's not easy to let go of the things that make you sad but trust me, it's harder to be unhappy and ungrateful with your life. Allah SWT blesses everyone with different blessings. My happiness could be a test, whether I would forget Him when I'm happy and your sadness could be a blessing that when you are sad, you would find happiness in Him. 

Tuesday, 20 January 2015

a new point of view

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

It's been awhile since I last blogged but I just felt like I needed a break. Even from my favourite pastime. I've been spending a lot of time with my family, future in laws, friends and I'm so grateful that I took the time away from my social networks. This post has been in my drafts for the longest time so, I figured I should finish writing it. 

I wanted to write about when I first decided to put on hijab but there are some things I feel like are more important for me to talk about. I honestly never thought my blog and my hijrah would attract so many people to start following me on Instagram, Twitter or to even read my blog ! I write because I feel like it's the only way I can express myself. I never really thought long and hard when I started blogging for the public and I forgot that I was giving people full access to say whatever that comes to their minds. My hijrah was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. I didn't do it so that I'd get over 10k followers or so that people idolized me, I did it because I felt like there was something missing in my life. I had a good family, no financial problem, great friends but there was still something empty inside of me. That's when I found religion. It was and still is something I hold so close to my heart. But my hijrah didn't end when I put on hijab. In fact, I am still going through it. When people criticize a couple things I do wrong in my life, they forget that ultimately, it's my journey. I appreciate the people that come to me personally and advice me over emails, personal message and honestly, thank you from the bottom of my heart. May Allah SWT bless your kind souls. But as a normal human being with feelings, I absolutely hate it when people comment on my Instagram posts, tweet me publicly, comment on my blog, I mean, come on ? You can hate me for not being perfect but put yourself in my shoes when you're about to say hurtful things about me. I feel like I have to point out that yes, there was a phase in my life that I was almost the perfect muslimah but that phase was mostly pushed by someone that needed me to be perfect in order to be "enough" for him. When I realized that I wasn't doing it out of pure sincerity, I took a step back to fall on a level that I felt more comfortable in so that I could work my way up again and this time, full on sincerity because of Allah SWT and no one else. I feel like all this criticizing and hating is so unnecessary. I am always trying to improve myself to be better and enough for Allah SWT. Not so that I can have people come to me and praise me and tell me they idolize me for being the perfect muslimah. There is so much more to a person than what they choose to show. And you know what annoys me most about all this ? The people that publicly "advise" me are the people that only know me through social networks. Not even the people that know me personally. If you are so unhappy and displeased about what you see when it comes to me, please, don't hypocritically follow me on my social networks anymore. Whatever that Allah SWT is displeased with me about, that is ultimately between me and Him. Not me and you. It is my journey and I want to be the best person that I can be. For myself, my family, my future husband and Allah SWT, not to please other people. 

Thursday, 30 October 2014

close to freedom

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh 

Aaaaah, how much I miss blogging ! I've been so stressed out lately because I'm so scared and anxious of what's to come that I totally forgot I release stress best when I write. Today is my last day of high school.. Ever. I can't believe it's been 5 crazy years, it's so overwhelming to think about. Since I will be sitting for SPM in a couple of days, there are some things I'd like to say. 

First and far most, forgive me if I have ever said or done anything to hurt any of you whether intentionally or not. I am so sorry if there are times I don't reply to your comments, or when I do reply, I say the wrong things. The people that read my blog are the reason I try my level best to help people be better in one way or another. Although, you guys actually have no idea how much you guys make me a better person. Thank you so much for the support you've given me. I am just 17 and there are a lot of things that I still have to learn so, I hope you guys stay throughout the journey. To all the 97s that are sitting for SPM this Monday, I pray from the bottom of my heart that Allah will help you and be with you throughout it all. I hope He grants you nothing less than straight As to make your parents proud, Allahumma Aamiin. InsyaaAllah all those nights you stayed up studying will pay off. I hope you keep me in your prayers as I will, insyaaAllah keep you in mine. 

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

being grateful

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

It's been awhile, hasn't it ? I have been sick and busy and the holidays were around so, it meant more family time and less social network for me. Also, yes.... I'm going through that no mojo phase again where I have no idea what to blog about. SPM is so close, it's so scary. That is also why I haven't been on my blog, for awhile. Duty calls, sigh. Good news, I have just the perfect thing I want to write about today. 

Being Grateful

Couple of days ago, I was bowing down on the prayer mat performing my Asar prayer when I suddenly felt so content. Content with everything I had, content with my perfect physical features, content with having a lovely family, content with being able to wake up every morning and be grateful I'm a Muslim. Just content. I didn't know what it was I was feeling at that time but it felt, right and good. It was such an overwhelming feeling that I can't even remember the last time I felt that way. I got up from my position and gave my salam. At that particular moment, I quietly thanked God for everything and asked for forgiveness for the times I forgot to be grateful. I felt so sad how I never realized how much of a blessing it was being able to wake up every morning and breathe the morning air. I tried to imagine waking up not being Muslim but I couldn't... Then, I realized it was because I didn't want to. I didn't want to wake up and not be a Muslim because being Muslim is the greatest part about me. I'm not the best Muslim but I try. I try and try to be better everyday. I sin but I'm not a devil, I do good but I'm definitely no angel. If I wasn't a Muslim, I probably would never look into Islam and I would never know how beautiful this religion really is. No matter how much I stray away and I forget Allah, everyday He tries to remind me and pull me back. I don't always pray on time, I don't run away from sinning, I (Astaghfirullah, may Allah keep us away from this) sometimes talk bad about people, I sometimes forget to read the Quran, I'm not always as patient as I am on my good days, I (may Allah forgive me) sometimes raise my voice to my parents when I'm angry, I sin everyday, it's only a matter of whether I notice them or not. But no matter how many times I sin, He promises to forgive us every time we repent. MasyaaAllah, how forgiving He is when He doesn't owe us anything at all but He still waits for us to repent when we, who owe Him everything always forget to repent and be grateful. May Allah always open our hearts to repent and be grateful for all that we have. 

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

back to basics

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh ! 

Aaah, it feels so good to type in the familiar box again. Noticed the exclamation mark next to my salam ? Yup, excitement right there. Trails just ended and boy, am I glad it's over ! I missed my blog sooo much but I had to restrain myself so I don't end up ranting here instead of digging my face in my books haha. If any of you follow me on Twitter, for the next 3 months if you see me replying to people and retweeting stuff for too long by all means, tweet me and tell me to shove my face back in my books. Thanks haha. 

So, during my trials it was back to staying up and always having a book with me but in the midst of reading my agama notes, I came across a topic I would really like to talk write about because I felt like it gave me a smack right in the face.

The Holy Quran

We had this one topic that we learned about the greatness of the Holy Quran. It told us the history of how the Quran was being passed down to human beings and stuff. We were taught that the Quran was sometimes revealed like the ringing of a bell only heard by the Prophet PBUH, was thrown into the Prophet's PBUH heart and also through a dream. The Quran became our guidance and the source of our ancestors' knowledge in the early years ever since it was passed down to us. 

"If We had sent down this Qur'an upon a mountain, you would have seen it humbled and coming apart from fear of Allah . And these examples We present to the people that perhaps they will give thought."  Quran (59:21)

The responsibility of the learning the amazing ayahs of the Quran was so big that if it was sent to other living things, they won't be able to take that big of a responsibility. Only human beings were able to do so. The ayah also teaches us that we have to ponder upon the greatness of the Quran and how far we'd go to learn and understand the Quran. Then, it hit me. All the days I put the worldly things before spending a minute or two reading the Quran, suddenly didn't seem so worth it anymore. I even started to remember how it felt like when every time I was sad or I needed guidance, I read the Quran. I felt like the emptiness in my chest was filled with all these wonderful feeling of worship and gratitude. I also remembered how much I liked that feeling. So, I'm back to my "Quran time" every night after Isya' or before Maghrib. Been missing out for quite awhile, sigh. Alhamdulillah, I lived to see another day and was given the chance appreciate more things in life.

Sunday, 3 August 2014

for you, palestine.

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh 

Yesterday, I got the chance to experience what a rally was like but this rally, came with a good cause. Alhamdulillah, it opened my eyes even more to things that was happening in the world. Viva Palestina Malaysia together with Aqsa Syarif held a peaceful rally at Dataran Merdeka in support of Palestinians. 

It was such a beautiful view, to see people despite of race and religion come together showing the face of humanity. I cannot think of a better way to have spent my Saturday. We chanted freedom for Palestine, freedom for the children throughout the whole hour. There was a flash mob and people weren't even bothered by the hot weather, masyaaAllah, bless your good souls. 

I can no longer express my anger and sadness for Palestine anymore. It has come to a point where the red line has been crossed and from war, it has turned into genocide. It feels like there is no more hope in humanity. Until yesterday. When I saw almost 50 000 people protesting and standing up for Palestine, I knew that no matter how dark the journey gets, we will always find a light, insyaaAllah. I am now convinced that no matter how small and weak we may seem compared to Israel, we will not let Palestine die without a fight. I will try my level best to keep on raising awareness and educating people on what is really happening in their land. Palestine's land, not Israel's. Even if takes hundreds of rallies to attend to alert the world on what is happening then be it, hundreds of rallies I will show up to. I will stand strong with Palestine and I, not just as Muslim, as a human, will not let them die without a fight. 

Friday, 25 July 2014

ignorance is not bliss

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh 

I got stuck in the hospital for like a week and couldn't fast for so long because of dengue, I started regretting the days I took my healthy body for granted. In all seriousness though, all I really did was sleep and I did a lot of thinking about a lot of things but on top of my list is the war that is going on. One day, I woke up from my sleep and the top tweet on my Twitter was a picture of a father crying beside his daughters' bodies. His daughters being covered in blood and some gun shots. My heart shattered into pieces. 

How could someone be so inhumane ? How could someone point a sniper at innocent children and pull the trigger ? How could someone ignore the terrified look in the people's eyes before they shoot ? How could someone go to sleep at night knowing they killed a family, probably hundreds a day ? How could someone look at a little girl they're about to shoot and not think about their daughters, nieces ? 

Infinite questions lingering in thin air, yet nobody has the answers. I don't have much to offer to the people suffering but I can offer you my prayers so that Allah SWT keeps you safe and grants you Jannah for your bravery in standing up for our religion. Allah SWT is testing them with such a big test in this holy month but they're still standing strong and I hope the world is standing with them. My heart breaks for the people but I will always, with all my imaan- always pray for you.